waiting for the dust and debris to clear

i need you to know...

...maybe i have not shown it, or maybe you were looking for something else...

...but i am willing to fight for you. to the last breath, if need be, and continue this battle with my self just to be the man i know you deserve.

the past 2 months have been chaos. but i'd like believe we came up better people after everything. i've learned to love you more, and learned why i need to be a better man for you. i saw what i almost lost, and realized that losing you is not an option. i simply can't think of spending my life with anybody else.

i've also realized what a great set of friends we have -- people who will not stand for sin and mediocrity with the people they love. i pray that this will have a contagious effect in our circle and in the body that we move and serve in. i am encouraged to take a stand for these people, people who stood by us, and were not willing to just let what we have go to rot. i am encouraged to stand up for them too. if not for their frantic pushes in the right direction, i would have been too much of a wuss and lazy-ass craphead to do anything about it.

we know what we have now. i think we've always known -- just that we managed to forget what we loved each other for. now, as we near the day, i know it's clear to see for both you and me what we really have. all the good and the bad -- this is us. and i know, things will only look up from here. i am confident of the support structure that God is showing us right now. he plans to build us up, just like He promised.

we will heal -- we need to. we will stretch and cry and run.


we will forgive AND forget.


look here, mahal. this is what i am fighting for. i know you see it too. i've realized that yes, i have been fighting for this for the past few years.




only now, when i almost lost my grip, do i truly know that i love what i have with you.