your grace is enough

how do you say this without any hint of doubt or fear in your head?

how do you say this when you barely get by? how do you say this when you know and you're afraid that "ït is not enough" or, "i'm hoping it will be, but i just don't see how it could be" -- enough, that is?

why did You put a heart in me that is so accustomed to doubt, that so easily magnifies the bad and forgets the good?

how do I convince myself that I am not the sum of all the crap that I do? (because yeah, that's how i feel.)

i feel like i'm setting myself up for a practical joke or something -- that at the last minute You'll swoop in for the rescue, or in hindsight, i will see that yes, it was enough. but what if you don't come? will i have the strength to say "...but know, O king, that even if He doesn't, we will not bow to your statue"?

why do You operate that way? why torture me with the wait, or have me doubt You? is that of any good to You or anyone else? already, I feel crappy about the way I can sing Your praises only when it's good for me, and then without any hesitation doubt You when it's not. forgive my heart, it does that, most of the time.

i guess it really all boils down to this -- i don't know how to trust You genuinely.

yes, after all that You have done, after all that You have proven, after all Your faith in me -- this is how my heart is -- it forgets. i realize that You have absolutely no burden on You to prove Yourself faithful to me, but You have chosen to do so numerous times -- You did it all knowing my heart will continue to be this selfish.

i can't help it. i want to trust You -- but I don't know how to.

teach me.

"So remember Your people

Remember Your children

Remember Your promise

Oh God

Your grace is enough

Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough for me"

- Chris Tomlin